Plumbing the Depths of My Tub

Lighthouse in Duluth

Lighthouse in Duluth

A little story: Steve and I aren’t exactly the super fixing things around the house types. In fact, we’re mostly lazy and we like to read a lot and hang out with the Kid and other things besides home maintenance. That being said, we do get by. Until now. Our tub is clogged. We have been  trying to unclog it for a good week or so. Just today I looked up recommended procedures for a unclogging the tub and found out we’ve been doing it ALL WRONG. EEEEFFFFFFFF!!!!!! See: you really aren’t supposed to use Drano or Liquid Plumber. You’re supposed to use a snake and hot water. You’re supposed to protect your drains so big chunks of gunk and hair don’t build up and cause standing water.  The Drano is toxic. What makes it worse is that the water didn’t move at all. It’s standing water, with 2 huge jugs of drano in it. We only have one bathroom. You can see where this is going. So, I found out that you don’t use the drano because it’s VERY bad for you, for the environment, and it doesn’t really work. But, what to do. I called a plumber. The plumber can come Thursday. But, in the meanwhile, I have super toxic fumes in my one and only bathroom and delicate children with delicate lungs, a husband with asthma, and a really cute dog all in harms way. So, I have been really stressing about the State of the Tub. Steve keeps trying to reassure me that it’ll be alright, but I am still stressed about it. I want it fixed. Is it worth $100 per hour to me? Why yes it is, as long as it’s only a half hour.

In any case, the plumber told me to bail it out. Now, why didn’t we think of that. WHY? We are completely clueless about this kind of shit. Until now. Now, I am an expert. I came home today after picking up The Kid, and the fumes were bad. I opened the window wide and I put on some rubber gloves and tied a scarf around my face and started bailing. Then, it started burning. Bad. Steve was in class, and I had sent the Kid and the dog downstairs for clean basement air and tv time, whilst I bailed the toxic water into the toilet. I started to have difficulty breathing, and had to go outside every ONE minute to take a breath. The scarf wasn’t doing it. I started envisioning myself dead on the floor overcome by Drano fumes, or blinded with bleeding eyes.  This made me very psycho panicked. I am creative after all. There are about 3 million labels all over the Drano TO NOT BREATHE IT IN.

So, I yelled at the Kid to get his shoes on and ushered him and the dog into the car. All the while trying to take deep breaths into my burning lungs thinking I am lucky that the co-pay for the ER doesn’t go up to $75 until Jan. 1.  Also, we hadn’t had dinner yet.  The Kid is naturally complaining of being hungry. So, we went to the drive thru and had vanilla shakes and cheeseburgers and then to the library, and then to the hardware store where I bought a respirator and a hair catcher for the drain. I came home and did a little more bailing, but even the new respirator (which was better than my pashima) didn’t keep the barf-tastic fumes away for long. Now, we’re holed up in the basement away from the fumes, wishing there was a bed down here. Trapped by a clogged tub. If we don’t emerge, throw us a life preserver.

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